The people I didn’t want to know

I judge people and I used to be much worse about it.

I recently heard someone complain about getting older. It’s true that I don’t enjoy how my ankle hurts when I take long walks.

I know my body shape now includes far too much belly fat but this I love in spite of its imperfection.

I would not want to be 20 years old again because even though I was stronger and much skinnier, I was also unfortunately a jerk.

I would not have stopped to listen to my disabled friend talk about her fears. I wouldn’t have spontaneously felt like giving her a hug. Heck I wouldn’t have slowed down enough to have her as a friend.

I no longer want to socialize just to be out on Saturday night and I don’t want to be around people with whom I don’t feel seen.

I used to look at attractive successful people and think they wanted for nothing and now I look and I see the fear and I see the sadness and the loneliness.

I no longer wish to be what I am not. Love me or hate me, all I have to give anymore is the real me.

I wasn’t able to know others because I wasn’t able to know me.